Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My miracle

Dear Lilly,

Tomorrow you hit the big seven. Seven months that is, and I'm sad. You are my baby, my last, my angel. I know I call you grumpy and tell everyone how feisty you are, but I hope you know that I love every second of it. The last seven months have flown by, and I want to write this all down before I forget.

October 22 of 2006 I woke up cross eyed and weak. Sounds kinda funny but it was scary. Your daddy took me to the emergency room where for hours on end we went over all the possibilities. They told me it could be anything from a hemorrhage, to a stroke, to MS. Test by test kept coming back negative or inconclusive. After a few days in the hospital I was sent home with no answers and an eye patch (I was so glad that it was almost Halloween). Six weeks later I went through a series of tests with a specialist that looked over all the tests I had been through, he told your daddy and I that I had had a stroke.

You're to little to understand now but by the time you read this you will know that mommy was too young and healthy to have had a stroke. This diagnosis lead to many more tests and specialists trying to figure out why. After almost a year of this I gave up. The doctors told me that sometimes "things" just happen. This was devastating for me, I'm not a quitter, and I like to have answers.

Your daddy and I had always planned on having 4 kids, but we were coming to the realization that we were going to have to let that dream go. Once we were finally okay with the decision to be done having kids, we decided that we weren't done helping kids. So, we started the classes and paperwork to become foster parents. We were half way through the foster parenting class's when we found out that we were pregnant with you.

I was scared but your daddy was strong. He kept telling me that everything happens for a reason, we just had to wait to find it. After about 4 weeks of seeing the baby doctor we got our reason. The doctor ran a blood test that had not yet been checked, and he found that I have a rare blood condition. I will never forget his words that day: "your baby has saved your life, it would have been only a matter of time before you had another stroke".

You are meant for great things Lilly. You have been finding answers and creating peace since before you were even born. You are my true miracle and I am so grateful to have you. I know that there will be fights, and at times I will get mad at you, and at times you will think you hate me. You're allowed, life wouldn't be as good without a little passion, but know this: I love you with all my heart! You are my angel and I promise to watch over you, just like you have been watching over me.

Love you,


  1. Lindsey, I must say this post moved me to comment. I too considered my little ET a blessing after being surprised that I was pregnant but this piece really moved me. I think you write beautifully.

  2. Wow.. She must be your favorite. :-)

  3. It still brings tears to my eyes - I love this story!!!

  4. This is such a moving and powerful story -thanks so much for sharing! I'm following you now!